WHY???
Today...I am just sad. I started off on this blogging thing, not expecting much. What was there to expect??? It is a fricken diary, for god's sake. Yes, people read them....but its not what your expecting when you start off, right? I mean, maybe I'm just stupid, but I truly didn't expect much of anything...just a place to ramble...stupid thoughts...things I think of off the top of my head and quick start typing away. I don't ever plan what I'm going to write...things just come to me when I sit here....and I type.
The benefit of all this, was that it was JUST MINE. Not something I shared with my husband or my mom or my sis...or anyone. I let my daughter in, only because she is smart when it comes to computers. I have no idea about programs or html or how to do this or that. I just wanted something that was just mine. Maybe selfish, but I don't think so. I give every last part of myself to my family. If anybody needs me...I'm there. No matter what, no questions asked. I will just do it. So, I don't think there's anything wrong with me having a blog. Big deal. And it hasn't been. They (as in my family) now all know that I have this blog. Not one of them has ever come here, not because I've asked them not too, but because they know me, and love me, and they know that this is just a me thing. I don't bash any one of my family members here....nor would I ever. I love them all with all my heart, so I have no reason to bash...well....except for my bro's girlfriend Patty...but then again, I don't even know if she can read...hehehhe...sorry...had to add that
But I digress. Back to why I asked WHY?
I never thought about actually meeting people thru this thing. I mean, why would I? I didn't set out to meet anyone....and I sure didn't even know about this comment stuff...
But...It DID happen. I did meet people. From all over the world. And I am pretty easy to get along with...so, its not difficult to talk to people. But as in starting to care about people....well....I just didn't know it could happen. And it did. I know we all joke about how I don't have a life, and that I am always complaining when no one updates. But the truth is, that I actually DO care. About everyone I talk with on a regular basis. There are some people that I think are fun, and we joke back and forth...but there are people that I have truly come to care about...in real life.
I find myself wondering, when I haven't heard from Diayah in awhile....is she sick? is she resting?? Sean...well...that is a whole nother thing...lol...I have worried about him since the day we first met...and I sat reading his entire blog...in tears...red....she's the one that always without fail...makes me laugh..you all do, for that matter...but red...well...she's just one of a kind...bri...I picture her as a really tough cookie...but has a really exciting life, even if she doesn't think so....and they are MY chuckleheads...and I check their blogs faithfully...daily..
And then theres mike...who what can I say??? I read his whole blog too...from beginning to now...and connected with him...always some funny quote, or picture, or some smart ass remark about how computer unsavvy I am...And Chuck...the dad...with his insight...such a smart man....
But there is also Gaelin. She was the second person I ever started talking to...thru the Blog...she was someone sooo different from me...a really nice girl..different everything from me...would we ever connected in real life? Probably not, which is why this whole thing amazes me...
So...just like in my real life...blog life becomes a parallel....I have never had true friends in my life...Every true friend I ever had, something has always gone wrong...Either I have moved away, they have moved away, or they just are gone. And yes, I know thats life. BUT...it makes it hard to make a true friend when you always expect them to go away.
So, first Sean started the I am Not Going To Blog anymore. That's fine. You still come around, with your smart ass mouth...lol...and your kind words, and just plain ole Sean self. And I am grateful for that. Then Gaelin decided SHE'S not going to blog anymore. At all...she can't face hitting the delete entire blog yet, but I'm sure she will....she's the type that when she decides to do something, that is it. I hope not. I hope she changes her mind...but???
So, I guess I just want to know why??? What makes you stop writing??? I have read the explanations...and yes, Im no college graduate, I understand the explanations..but it doesn't really answer what MADE you stop writing??? Did you feel like no one cared??? cared tooo much?? Was I not asking you the right questions?? too many questions??? Was I too nosy?? I feel like I have lost two great people...people who's lives I cared about alot....
And, like I said....I know Sean, that you still come around...commenting...but its not the same...I miss hearing about YOUR life...I cared about YOUR life...Just like I care about diayah, red, bri....mike...chuck...anthony..and juju...I miss hearing aabout the cats...and how you felt when she called...or didn't call...when you moved...I don't know..
Maybe I am just an idiot. Maybe thats why I choose not to get too close to people. I care too much, then they are just gone. I choose NOT to stop blogging...even tho I have nothing earth shattering to say...or witty...I write this for me, and yes, it is sooo nice having people care what I say...but if noone ever read this, I would still write....
SO...yes....I am on a roll...anyways...if anyone else decides to just pull the plug on their blogs...could ya maybe rethink that thought??? OR at least understand why I get upset when you go...cuz believe it or not...people care about you...we are real people out here....with real feelings...and if that is something you don't want to deal with...maybe let me know ahead of time...cuz this old heart of mine is tired of getting broke...K????....
and that is enough crap from me for one day...like I said...this is a place for my thoughts...so there they are....take me as I am...love me...or tell me to hit the road.....lol...
And on that note...Im gone
Me
The benefit of all this, was that it was JUST MINE. Not something I shared with my husband or my mom or my sis...or anyone. I let my daughter in, only because she is smart when it comes to computers. I have no idea about programs or html or how to do this or that. I just wanted something that was just mine. Maybe selfish, but I don't think so. I give every last part of myself to my family. If anybody needs me...I'm there. No matter what, no questions asked. I will just do it. So, I don't think there's anything wrong with me having a blog. Big deal. And it hasn't been. They (as in my family) now all know that I have this blog. Not one of them has ever come here, not because I've asked them not too, but because they know me, and love me, and they know that this is just a me thing. I don't bash any one of my family members here....nor would I ever. I love them all with all my heart, so I have no reason to bash...well....except for my bro's girlfriend Patty...but then again, I don't even know if she can read...hehehhe...sorry...had to add that
But I digress. Back to why I asked WHY?
I never thought about actually meeting people thru this thing. I mean, why would I? I didn't set out to meet anyone....and I sure didn't even know about this comment stuff...
But...It DID happen. I did meet people. From all over the world. And I am pretty easy to get along with...so, its not difficult to talk to people. But as in starting to care about people....well....I just didn't know it could happen. And it did. I know we all joke about how I don't have a life, and that I am always complaining when no one updates. But the truth is, that I actually DO care. About everyone I talk with on a regular basis. There are some people that I think are fun, and we joke back and forth...but there are people that I have truly come to care about...in real life.
I find myself wondering, when I haven't heard from Diayah in awhile....is she sick? is she resting?? Sean...well...that is a whole nother thing...lol...I have worried about him since the day we first met...and I sat reading his entire blog...in tears...red....she's the one that always without fail...makes me laugh..you all do, for that matter...but red...well...she's just one of a kind...bri...I picture her as a really tough cookie...but has a really exciting life, even if she doesn't think so....and they are MY chuckleheads...and I check their blogs faithfully...daily..
And then theres mike...who what can I say??? I read his whole blog too...from beginning to now...and connected with him...always some funny quote, or picture, or some smart ass remark about how computer unsavvy I am...And Chuck...the dad...with his insight...such a smart man....
But there is also Gaelin. She was the second person I ever started talking to...thru the Blog...she was someone sooo different from me...a really nice girl..different everything from me...would we ever connected in real life? Probably not, which is why this whole thing amazes me...
So...just like in my real life...blog life becomes a parallel....I have never had true friends in my life...Every true friend I ever had, something has always gone wrong...Either I have moved away, they have moved away, or they just are gone. And yes, I know thats life. BUT...it makes it hard to make a true friend when you always expect them to go away.
So, first Sean started the I am Not Going To Blog anymore. That's fine. You still come around, with your smart ass mouth...lol...and your kind words, and just plain ole Sean self. And I am grateful for that. Then Gaelin decided SHE'S not going to blog anymore. At all...she can't face hitting the delete entire blog yet, but I'm sure she will....she's the type that when she decides to do something, that is it. I hope not. I hope she changes her mind...but???
So, I guess I just want to know why??? What makes you stop writing??? I have read the explanations...and yes, Im no college graduate, I understand the explanations..but it doesn't really answer what MADE you stop writing??? Did you feel like no one cared??? cared tooo much?? Was I not asking you the right questions?? too many questions??? Was I too nosy?? I feel like I have lost two great people...people who's lives I cared about alot....
And, like I said....I know Sean, that you still come around...commenting...but its not the same...I miss hearing about YOUR life...I cared about YOUR life...Just like I care about diayah, red, bri....mike...chuck...anthony..and juju...I miss hearing aabout the cats...and how you felt when she called...or didn't call...when you moved...I don't know..
Maybe I am just an idiot. Maybe thats why I choose not to get too close to people. I care too much, then they are just gone. I choose NOT to stop blogging...even tho I have nothing earth shattering to say...or witty...I write this for me, and yes, it is sooo nice having people care what I say...but if noone ever read this, I would still write....
SO...yes....I am on a roll...anyways...if anyone else decides to just pull the plug on their blogs...could ya maybe rethink that thought??? OR at least understand why I get upset when you go...cuz believe it or not...people care about you...we are real people out here....with real feelings...and if that is something you don't want to deal with...maybe let me know ahead of time...cuz this old heart of mine is tired of getting broke...K????....
and that is enough crap from me for one day...like I said...this is a place for my thoughts...so there they are....take me as I am...love me...or tell me to hit the road.....lol...
And on that note...Im gone
Me
posted by Kirsten at 9:19 AM
Kirsten,
I check you blog daily to see what is going on in your life. I happened on your blog from reading comments on Seans blog. Just wanted to let you know that you are cared about. And I can relate to how you feel.
KIRSTEN- I think I speak for us all when I say that we all love hearing from you, and feel as though we have become close to you. As Red said, when you were gone for a while and we hadn't heard from you, we were ALL wondering what happened, hoping you were ok. Though some people may stop blogging at some time or another, that doesn't mean that anyone stops caring. I feel the same as you do about all the Chuckleheads...it's amazing that we have all become friends who know so much about each other's lives, yet we have never actually met one another. I didn't come into this thing expecting any of that either. All I knew was that Sean told me about this funny thing called a blog, and one day I thought, what the hell, I may have found a new way to vent...BAM, I meet new people. I look at it as a blessing to have people who have never met me care about me. You all have helped me get through some rough times, and I hope that I can be there for you when you need something in return. Thank you all!
Kirsten,
I too had a motive to start writing. I was trying to send a message to someone reading out there in cyberspace. I knew that although he reads blogs he never writes. And I needed to get into his head, send him the message, and not let him know who I was. Although I know he has read my story what I have posted I will never know if he got the lesson I was trying to communicate. But I could not stand by without doing something. This was my way of doing something.
What I found was much more than I expected. My husband knows I keep a blog, although he was shocked he has never really read it. Like you I can vent here - this is my space. I don't have many friends, I am not outgoing anymore, and my personality is still in shock from the things that have gone on in my life. I have serious trust issues and been burned too many times. Here none of you judge me.
I am a tough bad ass at work, my insecurities, my troubles, my illness is not known to them. It is here I can have the right to be me and did not have worry about what I say. Hell you guys know more about me than the people who raised or grew up with me.
Again Sean has hit everything right on target. Enjoy what you have. What if’s just make you sick, trust me.
You guys have helped me more than I could have ever expected. How many times do I hear in my head something Sean has said, a saying Red has posted, look at a cartoon and think of Mike, pass a DD and wonder if your in line somewhere, finally as I am exhausted going to bed I wonder how Bri manages to work a double. I read with excitement Red and Bri's post remembering what new relationships felt like...I read Sean's and wonder how I can regain the part of me that was so much like him before all the pain...I wish so badly to dream and have faith in those dreams has he does..I sit reading about your busy day doing something I only wish I could do.. making my family my focus..you have my dream job because I had to miss so much of my son's growing up and now my little girl is doing it to.. and I think of how many hours I am in a job that makes me sick all while I am missing moments I will never get back.. and all I can do is envy you.
The point to my disjointed thoughts is this: You guys are my friends.. cyber or other wise.. not writing does not change that.. it can make it frustrating as hell.. but it does not change it. It has also showed me I can trust people and I have taken baby steps to continue this growth. I have mentioned fate before.. and I believe in fate, things happen for a reason, we all wrote and found each other and in this time and place we need each other.. as we grow that relationship will change.. change can be hard but it will happen.. and as that does new things will come into our lives that will help us continue to grow.. if we let them.
I love you guys. I hope things will allow me to write in a week or two. Some minor changes are happening.. I hope for the better.
Oh! I wish you lived down the street, and then we could have coffee together and gossip about our kids and life and everything. You're the first person who ever commented on my blog, and it was my birthday too. It meant so much to me.
I think it is so surreal, having cyber connections with people who I have never met. It's difficult to understand the dynamics of blog friendships.
I'm going through a bit of a crisis at the moment. I guess it happens to most people as they approach 30. I've decided to stop blogging because it just adds to my general confusion. But I still have a list of bookmarked blogs that I read daily! And I worried with all the others when you didn't blog for such a long time!
I also don't have many friends, my husband's probably the only one who really understands me, and even he is in the dark sometimes :) I relate to you more than you know. We may not have have much in common, but we are both women, mothers, and we both have big big hearts.
Stay well my friend.
wow....and as usual..I think I was just being tooo sensitive. I know that you guys are here, whether or not you update, write or whatever, and I think that what I wrote and said was maybe sounding a little bit selfish. I truly appreciate your words, and honestly Sean, as usual, you made me stop and think about what I was saying, and complaining about. Cuz your right, your WEREN'T healing in your blog,it was just me being selfish wanting you back here. But I was too stupid and blind to see that yes...you already were here...and I really need to stop and think before I open up and complain. But too, like I said, this is my place to vent so I know I shouldn't apologize..lol..at least you all know how I feel...in my heart. But know too, that I do appreciate the ones that do still write when they have the time...you'd think by now I would have Sean's words branded in my brain..."Be thankful for what you do have"...so, just know that I am and again, I am sorry for being too sensitive...lol
Gaelin..you know, I wish I lived down the street from you too..then I could hang with you, discuss this weird universe, and watch that view daily...that would be amazing...and diayah....I know you say you envy me...and that makes me appreciate my life more than you'll ever know...when this crazy life starts gettin on my nerves, I stop and think that some people don't get to be with their kids like I do, and try...try, try, to be more patient. Not that it always works, but you know what I mean...as for everyone else's words....thank you...bri...red...lol...thanks... what can I say? you girls are my rock. and mike...you know your post at your blog was right on the money...and thank you too Ginny, for your kind words...I will check back in alittle while...gotta take Libby to school...and I just wanted to say again thank you..all of you...for choosing to be a part of my crazy crazy world...I love you
:)Just me
It's all part of the package of being a good mom. Thanks for the love Kirsten.